PENIS POWER!!

Don't act like you don't know what this is about ladies! The right man will make you step up your game from 8 to 10 real quick! You catch an instant case of the act right! I know you don't want to talk about it but that's my job so here goes nothing!

That good thing will have you sitting outside his job waiting to see him home safe. I JUST THOUGHT YOU NEEDED A RIDE BABES?

Cooking meals to suit his dietary restrictions. DON'T NOBODY EAT PORK UP IN HERE!

Sleeping on the wrong side of your bed. OH THAT'S OKAY HONEY. I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP BY THE DOOR WHERE I'VE SLEPT FOR TEN YEARS.

Cleaning his apartment. OH I JUST WIPED DOWN THE CABINETS AND MOPPED ALL THE FLOORS. PIECE OF CAKE!

Washing his damn drawers! OH I JUST PUT A LITTLE IRON ON YOUR UNDERSHIRTS.

Have you buying new clothes. I'VE HAD THIS FOR YEARS!

Have you matching your bras and panties. OH THIS OLD THING?

Taking days off to be with him on his days off. I HAVE THREE WEEKS VACATION BITCH!

Driving around looking for his ass! I SMELLED HIM OVER HERE A MINUTE AGO!

Thinking you're in love. BITCH I LOVE HIM!!

Loving to hear him snore. IS HE BREATHING?! OH GOD I NEED HIM!!

Bringing him around the family. OH THIS IS MY NEW FRIEND *insert name here*!

Making sure your house is spotless in case he stops by. OH NO I DIDN'T PAINT! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THIS COLOR.

Acting like you don't drink that much too soon into the relationship. OH I'LL JUST HAVE A GLASS OF WINE.

Have you still hungry when you go out to eat. MORE BREAD? UMMMM NO I'M GOOD.

Acting like you don't smoke. OH WHAT IS THAT? A BLUNT?

Holding in your farts. BITCH DON'T IMPLODE!!

Scrubbing your feet to keep them soft. DON'T CUT THE SHEETS!

Trying out that airbrush makeup. OH NO I WOKE UP LIKE THIS! I WOKE UP LIKE THIS!

Ladies we do a lot of man uplifting and pay him extra attention when he's putting it down proper. Most of us understand the importance of keeping him in the mindset of the King so he treats us like thee Queen. And it just so happens we put a tad more emphasis on the "Keep it tight and Keep it right" mantra when he makes us tingle on sight. Stay fabulous, keep him intrigued and his head will only turn for you. Confidence shines through always even amidst our imperfections. If he worships you with all that, keep his ass!!! Love you ladies!

Hope you had a chuckle. Until next time thanks for reading.

A lady is a lady is a lady!

Men, please realize when you've encountered a real lady. I know there are a lot of us out here nowadays who act in ways that don't seem to demand respect. However, I just want to reiterate there are some of us who do require it and I feel the need to assist you today in the identification process of such women.

When you do the following stupid shit and it doesn't result in a slap to your face, or put you on the receiving end of curse words, you've just encountered a fucking lady!

• When she turns around and you yell out "looking good!"

• When you stand extremely close to her in the elevator when there's plenty of room.

• When she's speaking to you and you're staring at her boobs.

• When you're engaged in serious conversation and you end it with a sexual reference.

• When you can't stop adjusting your crotch while she speaks to you.

• Instead of paying her a nice mannerly compliment you say "damn girl".

• When you lick your lips and bite your bottom lip while rubbing your hands together as you approach her.

• Ask her how she keeps her boobs so high up in the air.

• And if you've ever uttered the words "We would make beautiful babies".

Just an FYI fellas because I love men! Grab your crotch, close your eyes, thank God it was never kicked and count your lucky balls.

Thanks for reading!

A lady is a lady is a lady!

Men, please realize when you've encountered a real lady. I know there are a lot of women out here nowadays who act in ways that don't seem to demand respect. However, I just want to reiterate there are some of us who do and I feel the need to assist you today in the identification process.

When you do the following stupid shit and it doesn't result in a slap to your face, or put you on the receiving end of curse words, you've just encountered a fucking lady!

• When she turns around and you yell out "looking good!"

• When you stand extremely close to her in the elevator when there's plenty of room.

• When she's speaking to you and you're staring at her boobs.

• When you're engaged in serious conversation and you end it with a sexual reference.

• When you can't stop adjusting your crotch while she speaks to you.

• Instead of paying her a nice mannerly compliment you say "damn girl".

• When you lick your lips and bite your bottom lip while rubbing your hands together as you approach her.

• Ask her how she keeps her boobs so high up in the air.

• And if you've ever uttered the words "We would make beautiful babies".

Just an FYI fellas because I love men! Grab your crotch, close your eyes, thank God it was never kicked and count your lucky balls.

Thanks for reading!

Chick are you insane!?

MISS SCARLET'S DEFINITION OF INSANITY:

verb: The act of dealing with the same man over and over and over, giving your time, attention, input, and love toward his existence in any way he allows. Attempting to find a place where you fit in his life, opening yourself up to his limited systematic affection as he continues to blatantly disregard your feelings and continues to slowly distribute pieces of his heart to random women all around you.

What you are NOT INSANE for doing is falling for a charming guy who appears to have his things together and meets all of the character traits you desire in the opposite sex. He does most things right and on the surface appears to really like you.

You ARE INSANE for continuing to tolerate his ill behavior and his contemptuous treatment of whatever type of relationship you have developed thus far. 

This level of insanity stems from hurt feelings. We don't like to admit that we put ourselves in situations to get our hearts crushed but it happens. This particular man has the ability to make all you chicks feel an equal portion of special. If pressed he will deny this is his strategy and even pit you all against each other when necessary. Your cup has simply reached the point where it's full of piss and the smell is now burning your eyes, hence the crazy bitch rises up inside of you. The only way to continue in this type of arrangement is to play well with a few others and become a settler. Only to find yourself settling for a piece of the pie he's slicing up for all the hungry ladies who each think they have a unique and wonderful prize.

However! If you're not that quiet collected type and cannot play this game then you only have two choices to deal with the level of insanity those evil things called "feelings" have bred. 1) Act Out or 2) Bow Out. Now acting out can go many, many different ways and I'll leave that to your imagination, but it can range from auto theft to surprise visits of other team members. In most cases we're lucky and have the ability to gauge our propensity to become insane and get out before the thin line between incarceration and justification is blurred. But once you've crossed over to the dark side and that thing has got you, seek immediate help! No one wants to go to jail! On the opposite side of love there's the high road and this encourages you to 2) Bow Out, and gracefully I might add. Let the others continue to play without you. When it comes to your turn he'll either miss you and come to his senses or simply replace you. Isn't it something how you can be discarded so easily after so much time has passed? And this is where 1)Acting Out kicks back in! (ha ha ha) Sadly, yes it's a game! Don't kid yourself here either. There is a crazy chick inside of every refined woman and it just takes a split second of fuckery to rile her.

At the end of the day self preservation of the mind and heart should kick in and you'll be fine. Never let anyone take you from a princess to a prisoner, or an angel to an arsonist, or a Queen to a commoner. Never that! It won't be an easy transition but here's where your *DABS kick in and help you keep it together. Keep your sanity my beauties.

Until next time thanks for reading!

*DAB: Down Ass Bitch

The Finale of The X Chronicles - Day 5

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The X Chronicles - Day 5

FINALLY! Day 5 is far overdue and I apologize, but think of it as being left hanging by the ex who disappeared into the abyss and later resurfaced out of the blue. The difference is I'm not coming back to tell you I gave you an STD. I'm coming back with flowers in my hand so read on and smell the roses. Here goes....

We visited the exes and all their shenanigans but like all failed relationships we need to bring closure to this sad state of affairs. I admit I was torn with how to end the Five Day Chronicles. Wondering whether I should pay homage to the most negatively memorable ex or give props to the one I believe I could have held on to longer. Well I decided on neither and resolved to give it the Miss Scarlet touch and say screw them all! An ex is someone you shared time and space with, but never intended to enter into the relationship to purposely end it and either become casual acquaintances, better friends, or even enemies.

In my quest to simultaneously love and be loved by the opposite sex I have experienced a range of emotion that in the past resulted in some wild antics. As I mature I've learned to curtail my response to emotions when things occur that I cannot control. Further, I have learned how to gracefully bow out of a relationship that leads to Never Never Land. You know that place! Never gonna change, Never gonna leave her, Never gonna get a real career, Never gonna stop chasing women. Yeah, see, I can't live there too long or the village will burn down.

RANDOM THOUGHT: I wonder if my personal growth and intolerance to bullshit is the reason why the exes shape shift into bitches? Hmmmmm

Though I learn to move forward and put these failed experiences in the past I do still feel for those lost partners. You may say the mere draft of this blog means that I'm "feeling some type of way" and you're absolutely correct. I feel peaceful within myself knowing that I gave my best to each and every romantic relationship. I feel secure with my attributes and will never play second best or walk behind anyone. I feel sorry for those still entangled in relationships where they must either continually prove thy faithfulness or live in fear of my shadow. I feel pity on those who focus on others in a comparative fashion. I feel that I will continue to contribute my love and all its associated benefits to someone I find deserving. See, I have feelings!

When my love and adoration is deemed to be misused I move on with my life. I've come to the conclusion that it's not me, it's them! If you know you have lots to offer and aren't too crazy then you can rest assured that your exes have missed out on a great partnership that could have complimented their existence. Oh well! We all experience happiness and pain in our personal relationships and unfortunately some couples just aren't strong enough to sustain challenges. Whether we were at phases in our lives where we hadn't learned to respect each others positions, or just simply weren't suited for a match, life goes on. An ex is an ex is an ex for a reason. Think of the ex as providing you with an experience that taught you some valuable lessons about yourself and the level of tolerance you must maintain to manage a healthy relationship.

Shout out to the exes who read this blog because they can't help themselves. That charisma is a hell of a drug. MMMMMMMA! I see you baby.

Enjoy your life for yourself and if you happen to find someone to put up with your shit while you put up with theirs to find happy middle ground ENJOY IT, but don't live for it.  

Thanks for reading!

The X Chronicles - Day 4

 

 

        CHRONICLES

 

X CHRONICLES…DAY 4 “An Ex For All Seasons”

So its day four and I felt I can now get a little personal and discuss an issue that I have with exes in hopes that maybe one of my readers can tell me I’m not the only one who has these experiences. Is it just me or do you either create ugly monsters or insane stalkers out of some of your exes? It seems they either want to do so much for you now you’re gone, or they act like they don’t even know you when they see you. What is this phenomenon?

I am continually faced with either the cold shoulder, the downward shifted eyes with a smile, or the cold stare of anger when I come into contact with most of these poor souls. Is it my fault they missed my bus when it drove through their neighborhood? Am I to blame for their late epiphany of the great enhancement they received in the presence of my love? Let’s see if we share any of these exes in common.

The Calculating Ex is the one who follows you through the grocery store but acts like they don’t see you in front of them. Peeking over at you from the next register as if they’re a damn secret agent.
Just wave and he’ll look away fast and storm off.

The Stalker Ex is the one who mails you greeting cards with notes referencing the fun times you shared but mysteriously never signs their name to them as if you don’t know who sent them.
I’m sorry there’s no cure for him until you have a new partner move in with you.

The Lustful Ex is the one you run into somewhere who either grabs your ass or gets all up in your ear explaining how he has now added gymnastics to his bag of sexual tricks. Taunting you on how you're missing out if you don’t give him one last try to please you.
Yuck! Tell him your back hurts and start limping and let a little drool pool in the corner of your mouth. Be careful though, he might try to lick it.

The Close To You Ex is the one who purposely buys property in the vicinity of your home so you have to either drive by their house or randomly "bump into them" on a regular basis. Don't worry if this doesn't work they’ll just put your street on their jogging route.
Sorry the sidewalks are public and the police won’t help you.

The Loving Ex is the one who tells their new boo all about you so when you meet casually somewhere they act like you’re best friends and give you a hug! 
When the new flame turns their back this ex will try to kiss you.

The Hateful Ex is the one who tells their new boo that you still want them and makes up an alternate reality about your current non-existent relationship.
All you can do is change your number and stay away from them. And it can’t hurt to keep some pepper spray in your bag….just in case.

The Helpful Ex is the one who wants to help you fix stuff in your house, mow your grass, loan you money, cook for you, watch your kids and a bunch of other things you know better than to allow.
Open the door for this ex and they’ll never go away! They'll even make friends with your new boo (damn shame).
 

For quite some time I racked my brain thinking what I could have possibly done to deserve such ill treatment from men who I cared for, or what in the heck sparked such renewed interest from those who had no initiative until we separated? I’ve learned that I can’t fix them, help them, and no longer want to continue to give them my effort. I hope you're feeling the same way!

'DEM EXES THOUGH

STAY TUNED FOR THE EARLY POST OF THE FINALE - DAY 5 OF THE X CHRONICLES.....

The X Chronicles...Day 3

         CHRONICLES

X CHRONICLES…DAY 3 “The Controversial X”

Exes come in all shapes and forms. Today we’re going to talk about two controversial existences. Don’t be ashamed to admit you put up with one or both of these categorical exes. Life is full of experiences and one day you’ll realize it was just that, an experience which led to the person you are today with the outlook and wisdom you now possess. Oh yes, these particular exes will leave you with some real prolific shit on your mind. Walk with me while I take you down this road full of jagged rocks.  

#1 THE EX WHO ALWAYS BELONGED TO SOMEONE ELSE AND YOU FINALLY GAVE THEM BACK

Okay so yeah it’s what it sounds like. The married man/woman got you and fed you some bullshit that tasted like strawberries and ice cream and you ate it up until you remembered you were lactose intolerant. And after you threw it all up and came to your senses their head spun around and the exorcist showed up. These exes mostly behave in one of the following manners that can go in two very extreme opposite directions. Eventually they have to cease and desist but this only happens when their spouse finds their text messages begging you for one more romp.

JODI A) Jodi A can turn in to that stalking married man that does things so crazy you won’t believe he actually has a wife. He’s liable to show up with plane tickets to whisk you away to convince you to stay. Show up banging on your door and have your neighbors peeking out the window ready to call the cops. He will leave notes on your car and even show up at your job. At this point he doesn’t even care who sees him carrying on. Yeah it can get real! The real issue that has him going insane is they can’t handle the reality of you actually tiring of their years of lies and promises to leave their spouse. It’s not the point they didn’t think it would ever happen that’s so upsetting. It’s the fact their spell on you was actually broken and they can’t figure out where they went wrong.  How dare you want more out of your life than to be the best kept secret! In this case just be careful. I sense the need for a restraining order or a visit from your country cousins.

JODI B) This one is a master manipulator. So smooth and slick with his words that your whole world stopped when he called. Just like Jodie A, Jodie B can’t pinpoint where they lost their power but the difference is he will actually try to remain a little more subtle to continue dialogue with you. While you think he’s willing to accept you ending the saga and you’re going to be “just friends”, he’s actually just talking to you long enough to pick your brain to determine what was your breaking point.  After he’s done with you don’t expect any continued contact because he no longer needs you. He will use this data to perfect his game for the next victim. Oh yes no matter what he says, “You’re the last woman I’ll deal with outside my marriage”, he’s a liar. You weren’t the first, second or the last. Leave him where you found him living inside of his self-made prison. There he will die and it’s not your fault!  

#2 THE EX WHO LEFT YOU, IS NOW IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP, BUT STILL WANTS YOU TO THINK IT’S OKAY TO LET THEM COME SPEND THE NIGHT EVERY NOW AND THEN.

Sigh…I just can’t say enough that you should refuse to be used for their spur of the moment enjoyment. Sadly, they’re using all the good stuff you put in them to work in that new relationship and still not getting it right OBVIOUSLY! No matter how much you think you’re either one upping her or now have a better relationship with him because you can “just see him when you wanna” without the commitment, it’s foolish. As the “chosen one” in this scenario we work into our heads that our role in this situation is okay because we had him first and she’s the dumb one because he’s still sleeping with you blah, blah, blah. On the other side the new chick thinks you’re out of the picture because he tells her so (at least until he calls her your name by accident) and she really believes him!

I know it sounds crazy but neither you or the new flame are the fool in this situation. It’s that damn manipulative, greedy, conniving ex! Whether man or woman, no one deserves to continue to reap benefits from a decent relationship they either abandoned or got ejected from. Do not allow them to take the lessons you taught AND your intimacy into a new relationship. Yeah he looks cute the way you taught him to match his clothes and buy shoes without laces. Okay she looks good with the Cuticle Remy hair from the back of the register instead of the bargain box on the floor. So what? I have one concept for you to put in your head every time you grow angry about your invested time and attention, or think about letting them come over to work off their financial and emotional debt…Charity. It’s really that simple. Think of these ignant mofos as private charity cases that you volunteered time for and file them away. This ex truly believes they can achieve some type of status by manipulating people who actually care for them. Eventually it catches up and when it does it's never a happy ending. Who's the fool now?

The best thing you can do for yourself is respect thy self. Don’t let a bum ex take that away from you.

 
STAY TUNED FOR DAY 4 OF THE  X CHRONICLES

The X Chronicles - DAY 2

   
 CHRONICLES

X CHRONICLES...DAY 2 “Absence makes the single heart grow stronger”

Remember that an ex is an ex for one reason or another. Whether you both mutually agreed to split, something tangibly wrong occurred, or they abruptly up and left you by yourself you are now excluded from their life. Sometimes you get dumped and you weren’t ready for it and now find yourself with the big “S” on your forehead. Well this week we’re not talking about your failure to retain that ex, we’re focusing on the failure of that fucker to keep their commitment.

Let’s discuss your ex and find out if you really should be feeling so lonely instead of liberated from this relationship. Shall we reflect?

REFLECTION #1 - IDENTIFY THAT EX Sometimes it really IS them and NOT you! You need to identify their defect and regain your self-esteem. One of these defects may have possibly existed within them but you were too smitten with lust to sense the danger. Let’s review here.

Control Freak Maybe? They made all the decisions without your input and you twisted it to perceive it as strong leadership. Uh uh, you were wrong. How can you be happy in an environment where you have no say so on the flow of the relationship?

Abuser Hmmm? You were always feeling emotionally drained or physically overwhelmed and you couldn’t figure it out. Or they were overly critical of everything you did and you never quite did things correctly in their eyes. Yep that’s abusive behavior!

Jealous & Sneaky? You thought being in the house all day everyday was romantic and you couldn’t go to the store without him. Aww you thought it was cute he wanted to drive you everywhere and was being helpful. Now do you see that was a trick to keep you dependent on them? That was not normal, sorry.

Serial Cheater? Hmmm those paychecks never quite matched the hours of “overtime” they claimed to work. And all those gifts that would pop up out the blue right on time when you felt that tingling in the pit of your stomach. Yeah that’s what guilt will get you sometimes, a closet full of bags you don’t need.

Too Good To Be True? Always so sweet and agreeable and nothing was ever wrong…until she suddenly left you! Check for signs of Drug Abuse, Secret Lifestyle, or a Hidden Family. Most importantly CHECK YOUR CREDIT! Sounds fishy to me.

REFLECTION #2 - COME TO TERMS Did you really think you’d be with them long term? If you think about it you probably knew that they’d be an ex. Here are a few questions you should ask yourself. If you answer yes to any of them you may have been holding on and waiting for them to end it anyway just so you wouldn’t have to do it yourself.

Did I take care of everything necessary for my wellbeing all by myself anyway?

Was I the one always left to figure out a resolution to our problems?

Did they sit back and let me do everything while I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off?

Did their financial contributions to the household and entertainment dwindle consistently?

Did I spend more time focusing on them than they did on me? 

REFLECTION #3 – FREE YOURSELF Now that you’ve thought deeper than just “Woe is me I’m all alone” don’t you see a little more clearly that this relationship you lived and breathed for actually only allowed you to do so in shallow breaths? You were the PRIZE in this thing and it’s time to recognize your worth and set your heart, mind, and conscious free. You cannot go on holding on to someone who clearly didn’t appreciate you.

Just remember, the ex who up and walked out on you will invariably return hoping to find you in a state of disarray and dysfunction. Is this really how you want to be perceived? Sometimes it's all about the power you have given them and their total awareness of that fact. Let no one hold such power over your existence. Besides, think of all the time, money, and energy you can now put into upgrading your solo existence.

AN EX IS AN EX IS AN EX!

Stay tuned for DAY 3 OF THE X CHRONICLES

The X Chronicles- DAY 1



CHRONICLES

It’s Monday and what better way to start off the week with a cute call from your ex?! In memory of their poor souls I’m going to dedicate five straight days to a throwback of the exes. Simply to honor the lost or discarded love/like/indifference between two consenting parties who really thought they were on to something that fizzled and died. I will cover a range of topics to soothe those who are still mourning their loss and entertain those who are giddy with freedom. Keep Reading!

x CHRONICLES…DAY 1 “Funny One-Liners Courtesy of an Ex”

Hey do you need anything? Isn’t this the silliest thing you could ever hear from an ex? The audacity to ask me what I need now that the ride has stopped. P-LEASE! I needed time! I needed you to listen and take me seriously! I needed some damn money on this light bill!

Why did you leave me? Now this is a tricky one. Be careful and gauge the tone of voice in which this question is posed. This could be some bait for a renewed anger toward you, or it could generally be a question by a person who finally realizes they messed up. Either way RUN!!

What made you think I cheated on you? Hmmm let’s see, how about you having to leave the room to take mysterious phone calls. Oh! I know, what about the mysterious ailments your mama had that kept you sleeping at her house a few nights every week. But I saw her in the store and she looked fine. And how about the women calling my phone and hanging up? Oh you didn’t even hear my phone ring? Keep it pushin’!

What chick? / What dude? This question pops up when your break-up was centered on the presence of a single person who mysteriously entered your relationship and took up more time than you should’ve allowed. More than likely the ex will return and when they spark up this conversation pretending you’re an idiot and ask “What chick” or “What dude”, please don’t strike them. Just close your eyes and remember how much peace you have now that you don’t have to deal with their mess anymore.

You don’t miss me? Sigh….people have a funny way of thinking you cannot move forward in your life without them. I’m not saying at some point you didn’t go through a phase where you’re looking for them to call or stop by, but that actually doesn’t last for too long. Don’t even answer this question, even if they do cross your mind every once in a while. We all get the willies and that feeling of the hairs standing up on the back of our necks from time to time.

Can you send me one last pic of yourself? It is needless for me to tell you not to do this but I’m going to say it anyway, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! For some of you it may seem cute like "Aww he/she misses me" but let me help you regain your senses. First, if they're really an ex they already have your pics. Second, they're only attempting to spark an emotional reaction. Lastly, think of all the body fluids that may corrupt your flick! YUCK! Remember that we live in an age of technology and your image is sacred and can be used against you in attempts to sabotage any new flames you just lit.

Final Dumb Ex Question for Day One of the X CHRONICLES…

Can I make love to you one last time? LISTEN TO ME! I don’t care if you’ve been in a drought! I don’t care if your ex is the greatest lover of all time! DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR GOODS! This few moments of lust will set you back physically (he may have an STD by now), emotionally (do you really want to be hearing ghost rings from her), and financially (the amount of drinks you’ll have to purchase or shopping you’ll have to perform to get over this stupidity is too expensive for your now one income lifestyle).

‘DEM EXES THOUGH!

Stay tuned for DAY 2 OF THE  x  CHRONICLES

Today's Thought..Be the sand!



BE THE SAND BABY!

You ever hear that expression “Don’t bring sand to the beach”? Well I’m here to tell you that my goal is to be a damn good bag of sand and I vow to never get left behind. You guys know I hold to the mantra that good life is balanced life and I believe in his, hers, and ours. I’m just saying when it comes to “HIS/HER TIME” you should make it very hard for your partner to want to leave you behind.

Now I’m not speaking of being a pain in the ass nag, but more so being a person that your partner generally enjoys being with outside of the four walls of the house. Learn how to let your hair down and let loose with the one you love. Sometimes we get so caught up in a role of “wife” or “husband” that we forget to be a friend and companion. Do something unexpected the next time your significant offers to take you out on the town. If the venue calls for an evening gown you wear the hell out of that gown and go to Macy’s and get that smoky eye professionally done. If titties are called for then pull out those girls and spritz ‘em with some fragrance other than Jean Nate. Pull out the shoulders or a deep plunging back with that cute pair of jeans. These are the times when being extra can’t hurt.

All I’m saying is stay in the mindset of being beautiful, fabulous sand and you won’t have to worry about bitches, you’ll let bitches worry about you. Wouldn’t you rather put your toes in the pretty finely grained sand, rather than that hard crunchy shit at Lighthouse Beach? Believe me! Your man, unless he’s just a pig, will think twice about putting someone in your place no matter where he goes.

Just think about it.

 

Thanks for reading!

LOVE THYSELF VALENTINE!

 

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY

               LOVE THYSELF!

 

 

The Valentine’s Day hoopla turns some of us into hopeless romantics, while others stew in their self-made single life misery. The most important mantra you can adapt is love thyself first and know that being single is not the worst thing you could be in life. Who better to appreciate the love you give and are capable of than YOU? So if you don’t find yourself as half of a “couple” this Valentine’s Day, make absolutely sure you take this time to do something to pamper yourself.

 

I recently gave a woman advice that I should apply to my own life, and is actually        something for everyone to try for a little mental clarity. I suggested that at least once per month she engage in a simple affordable activity that would be specific to one of her needs and that only she could enjoy selfishly. For example, a simple hair wash and condition at a salon, a basic manicure, a mall chair massage, or even a new pair of underwear. The pampering of oneself should not be a practice that puts you in debt. If you notice all the things I’ve suggested are not expensive, but more specifically don’t allow you to feel the guilt of having to share with anyone. There’s nothing wrong with a little Me-Love and Self-Preservation. If you get right within yourself maybe it will put you in a better head space to attract a romantic interest if that’s what you desire. And if not OH WELL! You’ll feel great about yourself and begin to know what makes you tick. LOVE THYSELF FIRST!

Thanks for Reading!

 

The Marriage Myth...Oh Jackie O!

 

 

JACKIE O’S MYTH: First time for love, Second time for money, Third time for companionship.

MISS SCARLET’S TRUTH: First time for infatuation & convenience, Second time for love & affection, Third time for money & companionship.

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching I figured I’d give you the Miss Scarlet take on those first, second, and third tries at marriage. I know lots of you are heading to Jared or Kay Jewelers, or whatever the trendy jewelry chain is that’s popping up on television, in the hopes of making that purchase to seal the deal on your love and I truly hope it works out for you. You could be a twenty-something that’s fallen head over heels in love, or a thirty-something that adopted celibacy while waiting for The One, or you could be like me forty, divorced with kids from the previous attempt trying to salvage your ideal that true love does exist. The latter is what brings about this Pre-Valentine Myth Buster.

DISCLAIMER: This is my blog so I can write what I wanna and if fabulous Jackie O can have an opinion I can too dammit. And hey if you’re still happily married to your high school sweetheart then please by all means share the secret with the rest of us but for now this is my shit!

First Marriage: It’s just my opinion that you probably entered into this for some measure of convenience or infatuation because you’re usually young and dumb and have been bamboozled by someone who wants something from you for the moment. Whether it’s to make your family happy or you’re smitten with sex it just went to crap! Most likely you got married before you even knew your own self and what you needed to compliment your personality and lifestyle goals. Suck it up because this isn’t the end of your life and you can still find happiness

Why did you do it…..INFATUATION & CONVENIENCE: Pregnancy. Fear of parents. For His/Her military benefits. Pure childish rebellion. (Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m saying.)

Second Marriage: This is the one you enter after you’ve discovered how crazy you are and have honed it in, but found someone who accepts you for the person you’ve grown into. This is also the person who will probably get the best from you because you refuse to either accept or give foolishness after dealing with your crazy ex-spouse. (Whew!) However, it too has the opportunity for failure because you probably put a bit too much expectation on your partner. Just remember you made a clear and conscious decision for this marriage so work toward the happily ever after.

Why did you do it….LOVE & AFFECTION: You grew tired of the empty dating scene. You finally regained trust in the opposite sex. You craved someone on the other side of the bed. (Be patient you’ll find him/her and get there sooner or later.)

Third Marriage: I think this is the one you enter into with the most apprehension because you truly believed that second one was going to be the one you died in partnership, but for some reason it shit the bed. So now here you are third time’s the charm and you vow to make it so because you just don’t want to be alone in the house. You also need someone to help you get out of the bathtub. I do think this set-up works for those who want it because it’s more of an arrangement to take care of each other and in my opinion there’s nothing wrong with this picture. Ideally both partners have their own bedrooms so you should get along pretty well. (Just make sure you get along well enough to truly care for one another.)

Why did you do it….MONEY & COMPANIONSHIP: You need medical benefits. You’re afraid of the noises the house makes. Shared living expenses work. (Yep! You’re in a situation but it can yield a very favorable outcome until one of you pushes up the daises.)

So, let’s wrap it up. My point is this, the first marriage your ring probably came from Zales (in a very rare occurrence it came from a family heirloom). Second marriage ring came from the diamond district where a stone was selected and a ring designed around it just for the bride. Third marriage rings were picked out by both partners and they probably split the cost.

It’s just about the mindset of folks who have tried, and maybe tried again to find their soul mate. Keep searching and if you can’t see the point here you’ve either never been married then divorced, or you’re still waiting for Prince/Princess Charming. I’m not going to kill your dream and tell you to stop waiting, but promise you’ll come back and read this when the hunt begins for your second spouse.

Smooches and thanks for reading!

RELATIONSHIP RESOLUTIONS...UMMM NO!

HERE WE GO AGAIN! I VOW IN 2016 TO NOT DATE BUMS...I VOW TO FIND MY SOUL MATE...I WILL NO LONGER BE A WHORE...I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH ANYONE ON THE FIRST DATE AGAIN...LIES, LIES, AND MORE LIES!

I implore everyone to keep it real with yourself and the relationship goals you feel you need to implement in this New Year. Rather than focus on how to deal with some unknown partner in 2016, let's focus on how to deal with our own reflection. Let's face it, no matter how independent we've become we all want the company of another human being every so often (or permanently). Whether we seek stimulation through intimacy, random physical acts, or intellectual compatibility, it's nice to be in the company of people. However, we have to know what we look like to the people with whom we wish to share space.

No one's going to like this but I'm going to say it anyway: IF YOU HAVE MADE THE SAME RELATIONSHIP GOAL AT THE ONSET OF THE PAST 2-3 NEW YEARS YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG! I'm not saying you're the problem but maybe you are and sometimes the void you feel is deeper than the lack of a warm body in your space.

We all want to share and love and care for someone. But sometimes we truly can't because we don't know how to deal with our own selves. My Uncle Al used to say "if you don't know yourself how can you tell someone else what you like". In his own way he embedded the simplest principle in my head. If I am to be a good woman, wife, and partner I have to know what I am capable of bringing to the table on multiple levels. If I am an emotional wreck I will create a mess of relationships with my highs and lows. If I feel crazy I will find relationships filled with chaos along my path. If I practice self loathing I will attract people who want to manipulate me and deter those who want to care for me. If I have no self confidence I will attract controlling abusers. My point is Examine Thy Self! How to do that you ask? Try this:

1. DEFINE YOUR FLAWS: Make sure you understand these are not weaknesses. Flaws actually make up who you are and once you figure out your questionable traits you can then take steps toward self-improvement. Keep in mind that a person who never cares to identify their bad behaviors will never make a change toward the better because they're already perfect and already have the perfect mate.....themselves!

2. DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT: Every man who hollers at the grocery store or big booty chick who gives you the eyes is not worth your time. Stop dwelling on your imperfections and just accepting a certain type because you feel you can't attract the next level. Though you have flaws, because you're human and that's how we're made, you have things to offer that can enhance the right person's life. Recognize your individuality and personal strengths and accentuate them.

3. DETERMINE YOUR NEEDS: In order to find someone who will fulfill your physical and emotional needs, that you won't cheat on, you really need to figure out what compliments your personality. If you take things from zero to sixty, like me, you need someone who can remain calm and talk the weapon out of your hand instead of someone who will rile you up. If you have a crazy sex drive you need someone who likes it as much as you do. Even simpler, if you're into movies you probably don't want someone who can't sit through one without having to get up and smoke a cigarette.

4. STICK TO YOUR STANDARDS: It's important to date according to what stimulates you otherwise you're wasting valuable time. Don't be afraid to set a realistic bar for someone to reach for your needs. I'm talking physically, emotionally and intellectually. Settling for anyone's company and then kicking yourself after they leave instead of occupying yourself until the right one is available gets old very quickly. Stop going for drinks after work with the creepy guy because you're bored. This is a sure way to end up in a bad situation.

5. KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY: Whether you crave hand holding simplicity or full blown weekly flower delivery romance, you must determine what makes you feel loved and own it. Just remember your happiness should not be based upon materialism. If  you're only chasing the money you'll only achieve approximately Level III Love (Check your love level http://www.charm4sure.blogspot.com/2013/11/todays-thought_18.html). A great night on the town can be just as fulfilling as a get-away or a night snuggling on the couch if you've maintained your standard and found someone worthy and complimentary.

6. GET SOME "ACT RIGHT": Let your actions represent your mindset. Respect from the opposite sex is earned when you keep your word and follow through with your plans. Think about it this way, if you cannot be relied on for simple things you will appear flaky and won't be considered for larger commitments, like relationships. More simply, if you say you're celibate then keep your legs closed. If you say you don't do that, don't do it! You'd be surprised how a good potential mate is checking on you from afar and if you act a fool for the camera that's the image that will stick.

 

(If you're just an absolute lost cause I won't judge. Just please read "Tame That Thang" again to brush up on your game: http://www.charm4sure.blogspot.com/2014/02/tame-that-thang.html ) GEEZ!

Overall, I'm telling you to make yourself happy and in turn peace of mind will shine through you as confidence and attract someone who compliments your lifestyle. Remember no one is perfect, but as long as you recognize your own imperfections first you'll be ready to present your authentic self to the most compatible partner.

Smooches to everyone and I hope you find your true "happy" in 2016, realizing it's already within you and not in the hands of others.

THANKS FOR READING!