HERE WE GO AGAIN! I VOW IN 2016 TO NOT DATE BUMS...I VOW TO FIND MY SOUL MATE...I WILL NO LONGER BE A WHORE...I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH ANYONE ON THE FIRST DATE AGAIN...LIES, LIES, AND MORE LIES!
I implore everyone to keep it real with yourself and the relationship goals you feel you need to implement in this New Year. Rather than focus on how to deal with some unknown partner in 2016, let's focus on how to deal with our own reflection. Let's face it, no matter how independent we've become we all want the company of another human being every so often (or permanently). Whether we seek stimulation through intimacy, random physical acts, or intellectual compatibility, it's nice to be in the company of people. However, we have to know what we look like to the people with whom we wish to share space.
No one's going to like this but I'm going to say it anyway: IF YOU HAVE MADE THE SAME RELATIONSHIP GOAL AT THE ONSET OF THE PAST 2-3 NEW YEARS YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG! I'm not saying you're the problem but maybe you are and sometimes the void you feel is deeper than the lack of a warm body in your space.
We all want to share and love and care for someone. But sometimes we truly can't because we don't know how to deal with our own selves. My Uncle Al used to say "if you don't know yourself how can you tell someone else what you like". In his own way he embedded the simplest principle in my head. If I am to be a good woman, wife, and partner I have to know what I am capable of bringing to the table on multiple levels. If I am an emotional wreck I will create a mess of relationships with my highs and lows. If I feel crazy I will find relationships filled with chaos along my path. If I practice self loathing I will attract people who want to manipulate me and deter those who want to care for me. If I have no self confidence I will attract controlling abusers. My point is Examine Thy Self! How to do that you ask? Try this:
1. DEFINE YOUR FLAWS: Make sure you understand these are not weaknesses. Flaws actually make up who you are and once you figure out your questionable traits you can then take steps toward self-improvement. Keep in mind that a person who never cares to identify their bad behaviors will never make a change toward the better because they're already perfect and already have the perfect mate.....themselves!
2. DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT: Every man who hollers at the grocery store or big booty chick who gives you the eyes is not worth your time. Stop dwelling on your imperfections and just accepting a certain type because you feel you can't attract the next level. Though you have flaws, because you're human and that's how we're made, you have things to offer that can enhance the right person's life. Recognize your individuality and personal strengths and accentuate them.
3. DETERMINE YOUR NEEDS: In order to find someone who will fulfill your physical and emotional needs, that you won't cheat on, you really need to figure out what compliments your personality. If you take things from zero to sixty, like me, you need someone who can remain calm and talk the weapon out of your hand instead of someone who will rile you up. If you have a crazy sex drive you need someone who likes it as much as you do. Even simpler, if you're into movies you probably don't want someone who can't sit through one without having to get up and smoke a cigarette.
4. STICK TO YOUR STANDARDS: It's important to date according to what stimulates you otherwise you're wasting valuable time. Don't be afraid to set a realistic bar for someone to reach for your needs. I'm talking physically, emotionally and intellectually. Settling for anyone's company and then kicking yourself after they leave instead of occupying yourself until the right one is available gets old very quickly. Stop going for drinks after work with the creepy guy because you're bored. This is a sure way to end up in a bad situation.
5. KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY: Whether you crave hand holding simplicity or full blown weekly flower delivery romance, you must determine what makes you feel loved and own it. Just remember your happiness should not be based upon materialism. If you're only chasing the money you'll only achieve approximately Level III Love (Check your love level http://www.charm4sure.blogspot.com/2013/11/todays-thought_18.html). A great night on the town can be just as fulfilling as a get-away or a night snuggling on the couch if you've maintained your standard and found someone worthy and complimentary.
6. GET SOME "ACT RIGHT": Let your actions represent your mindset. Respect from the opposite sex is earned when you keep your word and follow through with your plans. Think about it this way, if you cannot be relied on for simple things you will appear flaky and won't be considered for larger commitments, like relationships. More simply, if you say you're celibate then keep your legs closed. If you say you don't do that, don't do it! You'd be surprised how a good potential mate is checking on you from afar and if you act a fool for the camera that's the image that will stick.
Overall, I'm telling you to make yourself happy and in turn peace of mind will shine through you as confidence and attract someone who compliments your lifestyle. Remember no one is perfect, but as long as you recognize your own imperfections first you'll be ready to present your authentic self to the most compatible partner.
Smooches to everyone and I hope you find your true "happy" in 2016, realizing it's already within you and not in the hands of others.
THANKS FOR READING!
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