New Year Solutions

The new year is at our door knocking for entry. What is it trying to drop off on our front steps? Maybe its time to peek first and be selective about what you're opening your door to accept into the new year. I propose the ideal of creating a solution for your pending issues rather than just creating your regular laundry list of unattainable resolutions.

Solution, noun: Something that is used or done to deal with and end a problem : something that solves a problem.

Everyone says resolution this and resolution that. However, the new year doesn't mean that everything we've dealt with in the past year will be washed away so easily. Some of us need a Finance Solution, Esteem Solution, Emotional Solution, or Love Solution. I know Miss Scarlet usually only speaks on the Love Solution aspect but the following tips can be used for all solutions we seek. No matter what area you find yourself challenged in you can resolve it with simple steps.

1. Identify It. Before you can fix anything you need to figure out the source of the distress. Please be open to see this for what it really is and don't be biased in the identification process.

2. Draft a realistic plan for change. Don't think you can go from 0 to 60 with everything. Key word here is "realistic". Plan also means steps to take toward the change you desire. Some steps may leave you out of breath but catch your wind and keep on climbing.

3. Gather a support network. As strong as you are you can't do everything alone! Look to those who you see rising above your similar circumstances. Just remember someone who is miserable cannot lift you or offer good support. Be discerning with the members of your network.

4. Time for some ACTION! Don't waste time taking the steps toward your change once you've devised your plan. Procrastination can be a dangerous thing once it sets in and can stifle your progress.

5. Stay Positive. There will be days when you want to quit and feel like forces are working against you. Well guess what? They are! And this is why you have to work twice as hard to stay positive. Write your goals and post them where you can see them daily. Rid yourself of contact with naysayers, kill joys, and Debbie Downers (sorry all my Debbies...nothing personal. I love you ladies too)

I wouldn't be Miss Scarlet if I didn't ask you if one of your hang-ups in 2013 was one of the following.

Are you still seeing that married man?

Are you still unfaithful to your spouse?

Are you still afraid of commitment?

Are you still seeking another person to validate you?

Please evaluate each situation carefully. I can't tell you what to do without knowing the specifics of each case. However, I can tell you that you can use the same steps I've listed above to help you get your breakthrough. I know some of it doesn't sound easy but no solution drops in your lap. Also, don't be afraid to talk to someone about how you feel and seek counsel for steps toward your solutions. Don't fall into the stereotype that if you do this you're crazy or weak minded. Everyone needs help sometimes.

I wish everyone positive and effective solutions for whatever you need to leave in the past year. Whether its intimacy coaching to get your love life together, developing a plan for professional change, purging your personal space, or getting things off your chest you can do it. I'm here to help as a Professional Organizer if you need assistance!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! We'll talk again soon.

MULTIPLES

Get your mind out the gutter! I'm speaking of multiple loves. Can a woman love two men at the same time? I know we say a man can't truly handle more than one woman but is the same true for us women? Let's think about this thing. Forget emotions for a minute and let's just examine the physical advantage a woman has to juggle two men. First of all the average man's sexual comeback is on a time delay. He cannot make love to one woman extensively and then turn around and go service a second without a few hours in between. And if he can do that he's actually quite the anomaly (later subject matter for further discussion). To continue to do this on a regular basis however, would leave him worn out, mess up his back, and confuse his mind.

A woman on the other hand can make love to a man, jump up and down, stand on her head and then Swish & Flow! Yep I'm tellin' it...Swish the cooch and Flow on to the next! I didn't say it was right but it's highly more probable for a woman to leave one man and go on to the next faster than a man can do the same.

Let's talk finances. The average working class man cannot actually afford to maintain two real women. Between helping her out with bills, dating expenses, holidays, birthday, and a few extras on top of maintaining his own living expenses it would be damn near impossible for him to juggle the needs of two women. Please don't think I'm talking about jump offs who only see the man when he's feeling some type of way and don't demand any maintenance. Sometimes that's cool but I'm talking about the women who require quality. If this isn't you keep reading my blogs and I assure you will acquire the taste for quality male interaction. This love of multiples is for the people who are truly involved and established with two men and spend time split between them who are torn by true intimate feelings for both.  

The mention of intimacy brings us to that other key thing, emotion. H-Town said it best "Emotions make you cry sometimes. Make you fall in love". If you have two great men that are meeting your needs on different levels what do you do? Do you hold a contest to see whose better?  They're both bringing something wonderful into your existence. Both are complimentary to your personality and make you happy. I really don't have the answer for this dilemma. All I know is most people, especially men, cannot accept the fact that someone they love shares themselves with another human being. A man can't even fathom their woman being touched by another man, even when he himself may be engaged in something outside of the relationship.

I just wanted to shed light on this issue because it's real and I hear a lot of women experiencing it lately. There are so many good specimens of man out there and it can be hard to choose just one to ride it out with forever. If you love two men I know you don't want to betray either of them. While it may be physically easier for women to do the juggling it is not just as easy emotionally. Each case will be different and should be dealt with accordingly. I'm not here to tell you what to do or judge your choices. Just keep in mind there's probably some underlying issue that's keeping you from being completely with one man versus the other. If you're splitting yourself sit and really think about why you haven't settled with either. Put your self value on the table while you ponder that issue and I'm sure you'll find the answer. Let me know if you need help sorting it all out.

'Til next time Swish & Flow!  Thanks for reading.

TODAY'S THOUGHT...No pain no gain??

LOVE UNTIL IT HURTS...OUCH! I know this is a cliche that some people use but do you really want love until it brings you some sort of pain? The pain can be physical like getting your ass beat. It can be emotional pain that causes you to be physically ill from stress and anxiety. Sometimes the nature of the situation can also cause pain. Are you involved with something that continues to stifle you or something you know is forbidden? Why is your "LOVE" diminishing your ability to function in a healthy manner? The good stuff should be freeing and refreshing to your psyche. It should make you feel both supported and regenerated. It should not be exhausting and feel burdensome. The next time you hear someone say "love so good it hurts" just think about the point I'm trying to relay. The thought of your lover should bring a smile and not a scowl. I don't know about you but I don't want to feel hurt from the person I'm loving. I want to to love until I'm hysterical from joyous laughter! Just today's thought.

PREREQUISITES

  Believe it or not while watching the 1979 Jack Frost animated cartoon I was hit in the head with some knowledge. If you're not familiar with this story here's the jest. Jack Frost begs Father Winter to make him human so he can be with the woman who stole his heart. As he's whining about how much he wants to be with her Father Winter basically says, "Slow your roll playa! You ain't got nothing to offer her. First you need to get your shit together". Well that was my interpretation anyway. Father Time instructs Jack to first secure A House, A Horse, A Bag of Gold, and then a Wife.

This cartoon had me at a loss of words as I continued to watch Jack try and get his life together in order of importance working toward his goal. He encountered all types of obstacles but he persevered. I watched this and I thought if Father Time knew this in 1979 why didn't he pass the knowledge down to men through the ages. Should we women not expect a man to come correct in the same manner as this fairytale character? I am compelled to reach out to you via this blog and beg you to not allow anyone seeking your time and attention to fall short of anything less than these same simple yet key achievements. Let's discuss these prerequisites PLEASE!

Prerequisite (noun): Something that you must officially have or do before you can have or do something else.

#1 A House: Believe it or not a man should have a home secured for his woman. I know we women are now caught up in being so equal that we forget about the man being the head of the family and we want in on half of everything. Oops did I say that. Yes I did! There's nothing wrong with half but make sure you're getting half of something good. If he's already got it go with it and turn it lovingly from his to ours. This prerequisite doesn't even have to mean home ownership. In the simplest form it means he should have a safe place to live that he maintains on his own. It shows he is responsible and has the ability to take care of himself and impressively pay monthly bills. This is the type of man you want to build with toward the "ours". Remember lots of things go along with a single man who lives away from his mommy. This means he can minimally feed himself, clean up after himself, and do laundry. Not a big deal to you? You're a liar!

#2 A Horse: Yes historically a man who had a horse proved to be secure and had reached a certain level of status. Modern times would be a means of reliable transportation that he owns himself. Yep I'm gonna say it! If you're driving he should be driving too!!! Why isn't he driving? Does he have a "situation" that hinders him from obtaining a legal drivers license in the state where you reside. FLAG ON THE PLAY I'm not saying he may not be working on getting a vehicle but how old is he and how long has he been working on this project? Please ladies...please...don't be deceived by that short game. Any man over thirty should be somewhat established somewhere. Unless he's just awoken from a coma after being hit in the head by a flying saucer leave him where you found him. God made so many delicious specimens in all shades, races, sizes, and flavors. Try them all....WOO!

#3 A Bag of Gold: This pretty much speaks for itself. In today's terms this could mean a secure job and even better a financial portfolio. Yes ladies there are men who really think about securing pensions and things to bring to the table for sharing with a partner going forward in life. Show me a man who has a bag of gold and I'll show you a good woman who knows enough to nurture him and support him. People may think this is a gold digging statement but I love a man with a pension. I say this because it exemplifies the fact he has maintained profitable employment for a number of years and has a plan for his future. If he plans for himself he will certainly plan for you. PENSION = STABILITY, LONGEVITY & RESPONSIBILITY.

#4. A Wife a.k.a. The Prize: You are a prize and you better know it! If you want to become a wife present yourself in a manner to do so. A good wife is a rock to her husband. She knows when to speak and she knows when to listen. She knows what battles to fight and she knows when to let a man be a man. It's not an easy title by far. I know this! However, if you get a good man who likens himself to Jack Frost and has his prerequisites at least 75% complete you can make that man a good husband by being a good wife. A good wife starts off as a good girlfriend. And the key is to stay that way! Don't change up and fall off your game once you have him hooked. Stay attentive! Stay fabulous! Stay INTERESTED! If he plays golf....play golf! If he watches football....watch football! It won't kill you to be interested in what interests him. This blog is for the ladies but don't expect from him what you wouldn't give of yourself.

My main point today is that we should expect a man to come at us with the correct intentions. A woman should not be afraid of being labeled picky because she won't waste her time with someone who doesn't live up to her minimal expectations. Job check! Housing check! Transportation check! Goals check! For pete's sake these are not even the extras in life. These are bare necessities that every grown ass man should already have established. Allow yourself to be courted and don't be afraid to put your prerequisites out there in the open. Generous check! Affectionate check! Courteous check! If the man you're dealing with can't even pay for dinner or pay you a simple compliment you may want to just stop...period. Contrary to what some may say these small things are important and play a part in how a man will treat you in the future. Think about that.

You can't turn a duck into a swan, a lamb into a lion, or put a leash on a wild dog. You can however meet a reasonable man with initiative somewhere in the middle.

'Til next time thanks for reading!