Don't act like you don't know what this is about ladies! The right man will make you step up your game from 8 to 10 real quick! You catch an instant case of the act right! I know you don't want to talk about it but that's my job so here goes nothing!
That good thing will have you sitting outside his job waiting to see him home safe. I JUST THOUGHT YOU NEEDED A RIDE BABES?
Cooking meals to suit his dietary restrictions. DON'T NOBODY EAT PORK UP IN HERE!
Sleeping on the wrong side of your bed. OH THAT'S OKAY HONEY. I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP BY THE DOOR WHERE I'VE SLEPT FOR TEN YEARS.
Cleaning his apartment. OH I JUST WIPED DOWN THE CABINETS AND MOPPED ALL THE FLOORS. PIECE OF CAKE!
Washing his damn drawers! OH I JUST PUT A LITTLE IRON ON YOUR UNDERSHIRTS.
Have you buying new clothes. I'VE HAD THIS FOR YEARS!
Have you matching your bras and panties. OH THIS OLD THING?
Taking days off to be with him on his days off. I HAVE THREE WEEKS VACATION BITCH!
Driving around looking for his ass! I SMELLED HIM OVER HERE A MINUTE AGO!
Thinking you're in love. BITCH I LOVE HIM!!
Loving to hear him snore. IS HE BREATHING?! OH GOD I NEED HIM!!
Bringing him around the family. OH THIS IS MY NEW FRIEND *insert name here*!
Making sure your house is spotless in case he stops by. OH NO I DIDN'T PAINT! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THIS COLOR.
Acting like you don't drink that much too soon into the relationship. OH I'LL JUST HAVE A GLASS OF WINE.
Have you still hungry when you go out to eat. MORE BREAD? UMMMM NO I'M GOOD.
Acting like you don't smoke. OH WHAT IS THAT? A BLUNT?
Holding in your farts. BITCH DON'T IMPLODE!!
Scrubbing your feet to keep them soft. DON'T CUT THE SHEETS!
Trying out that airbrush makeup. OH NO I WOKE UP LIKE THIS! I WOKE UP LIKE THIS!
Ladies we do a lot of man uplifting and pay him extra attention when he's putting it down proper. Most of us understand the importance of keeping him in the mindset of the King so he treats us like thee Queen. And it just so happens we put a tad more emphasis on the "Keep it tight and Keep it right" mantra when he makes us tingle on sight. Stay fabulous, keep him intrigued and his head will only turn for you. Confidence shines through always even amidst our imperfections. If he worships you with all that, keep his ass!!! Love you ladies!
Hope you had a chuckle. Until next time thanks for reading.
Sunday, November 20, 2016
A lady is a lady is a lady!
Men, please realize when you've encountered a real lady. I know there are a lot of us out here nowadays who act in ways that don't seem to demand respect. However, I just want to reiterate there are some of us who do require it and I feel the need to assist you today in the identification process of such women.
When you do the following stupid shit and it doesn't result in a slap to your face, or put you on the receiving end of curse words, you've just encountered a fucking lady!
- When she turns around and you yell out "looking good!"
- When you stand extremely close to her in the elevator when there's plenty of room.
- When she's speaking to you and you're staring at her boobs.
- When you're engaged in serious conversation and you end it with a sexual reference.
- When you can't stop adjusting your crotch while she speaks to you.
- Instead of paying her a nice mannerly compliment you say "damn girl".
- When you lick your lips and bite your bottom lip while rubbing your hands together as you approach her.
- Ask her how she keeps her boobs so high up in the air.
- And if you've ever uttered the words "We would make beautiful babies".
Just an FYI fellas because I love men! Grab your crotch, close your eyes, thank God it was never kicked and count your lucky balls.
Thanks for reading!
A lady is a lady is a lady!
Men, please realize when you've encountered a real lady. I know there are a lot of women out here nowadays who act in ways that don't seem to demand respect. However, I just want to reiterate there are some of us who do and I feel the need to assist you today in the identification process.
When you do the following stupid shit and it doesn't result in a slap to your face, or put you on the receiving end of curse words, you've just encountered a fucking lady!
- When she turns around and you yell out "looking good!"
- When you stand extremely close to her in the elevator when there's plenty of room.
- When she's speaking to you and you're staring at her boobs.
- When you're engaged in serious conversation and you end it with a sexual reference.
- When you can't stop adjusting your crotch while she speaks to you.
- Instead of paying her a nice mannerly compliment you say "damn girl".
- When you lick your lips and bite your bottom lip while rubbing your hands together as you approach her.
- Ask her how she keeps her boobs so high up in the air.
- And if you've ever uttered the words "We would make beautiful babies".
Just an FYI fellas because I love men! Grab your crotch, close your eyes, thank God it was never kicked and count your lucky balls.
Thanks for reading!
Chick are you insane!?
MISS SCARLET'S DEFINITION OF INSANITY:
verb: The act of dealing with the same man over and over and over, giving your time, attention, input, and love toward his existence in any way he allows. Attempting to find a place where you fit in his life, opening yourself up to his limited systematic affection as he continues to blatantly disregard your feelings and continues to slowly distribute pieces of his heart to random women all around you.
What you are NOT INSANE for doing is falling for a charming guy who appears to have his things together and meets all of the character traits you desire in the opposite sex. He does most things right and on the surface appears to really like you.
You ARE INSANE for continuing to tolerate his ill behavior and his contemptuous treatment of whatever type of relationship you have developed thus far.
This level of insanity stems from hurt feelings. We don't like to admit that we put ourselves in situations to get our hearts crushed but it happens. This particular man has the ability to make all you chicks feel an equal portion of special. If pressed he will deny this is his strategy and even pit you all against each other when necessary. Your cup has simply reached the point where it's full of piss and the smell is now burning your eyes, hence the crazy bitch rises up inside of you. The only way to continue in this type of arrangement is to play well with a few others and become a settler. Only to find yourself settling for a piece of the pie he's slicing up for all the hungry ladies who each think they have a unique and wonderful prize.
However! If you're not that quiet collected type and cannot play this game then you only have two choices to deal with the level of insanity those evil things called "feelings" have bred. 1) Act Out or 2) Bow Out. Now acting out can go many, many different ways and I'll leave that to your imagination, but it can range from auto theft to surprise visits of other team members. In most cases we're lucky and have the ability to gauge our propensity to become insane and get out before the thin line between incarceration and justification is blurred. But once you've crossed over to the dark side and that thing has got you, seek immediate help! No one wants to go to jail! On the opposite side of love there's the high road and this encourages you to 2) Bow Out, and gracefully I might add. Let the others continue to play without you. When it comes to your turn he'll either miss you and come to his senses or simply replace you. Isn't it something how you can be discarded so easily after so much time has passed? And this is where 1)Acting Out kicks back in! (ha ha ha) Sadly, yes it's a game! Don't kid yourself here either. There is a crazy chick inside of every refined woman and it just takes a split second of fuckery to rile her.
At the end of the day self preservation of the mind and heart should kick in and you'll be fine. Never let anyone take you from a princess to a prisoner, or an angel to an arsonist, or a Queen to a commoner. Never that! It won't be an easy transition but here's where your *DABS kick in and help you keep it together. Keep your sanity my beauties.
Until next time thanks for reading!
*DAB: Down Ass Bitch
verb: The act of dealing with the same man over and over and over, giving your time, attention, input, and love toward his existence in any way he allows. Attempting to find a place where you fit in his life, opening yourself up to his limited systematic affection as he continues to blatantly disregard your feelings and continues to slowly distribute pieces of his heart to random women all around you.
What you are NOT INSANE for doing is falling for a charming guy who appears to have his things together and meets all of the character traits you desire in the opposite sex. He does most things right and on the surface appears to really like you.
You ARE INSANE for continuing to tolerate his ill behavior and his contemptuous treatment of whatever type of relationship you have developed thus far.
This level of insanity stems from hurt feelings. We don't like to admit that we put ourselves in situations to get our hearts crushed but it happens. This particular man has the ability to make all you chicks feel an equal portion of special. If pressed he will deny this is his strategy and even pit you all against each other when necessary. Your cup has simply reached the point where it's full of piss and the smell is now burning your eyes, hence the crazy bitch rises up inside of you. The only way to continue in this type of arrangement is to play well with a few others and become a settler. Only to find yourself settling for a piece of the pie he's slicing up for all the hungry ladies who each think they have a unique and wonderful prize.
However! If you're not that quiet collected type and cannot play this game then you only have two choices to deal with the level of insanity those evil things called "feelings" have bred. 1) Act Out or 2) Bow Out. Now acting out can go many, many different ways and I'll leave that to your imagination, but it can range from auto theft to surprise visits of other team members. In most cases we're lucky and have the ability to gauge our propensity to become insane and get out before the thin line between incarceration and justification is blurred. But once you've crossed over to the dark side and that thing has got you, seek immediate help! No one wants to go to jail! On the opposite side of love there's the high road and this encourages you to 2) Bow Out, and gracefully I might add. Let the others continue to play without you. When it comes to your turn he'll either miss you and come to his senses or simply replace you. Isn't it something how you can be discarded so easily after so much time has passed? And this is where 1)Acting Out kicks back in! (ha ha ha) Sadly, yes it's a game! Don't kid yourself here either. There is a crazy chick inside of every refined woman and it just takes a split second of fuckery to rile her.
At the end of the day self preservation of the mind and heart should kick in and you'll be fine. Never let anyone take you from a princess to a prisoner, or an angel to an arsonist, or a Queen to a commoner. Never that! It won't be an easy transition but here's where your *DABS kick in and help you keep it together. Keep your sanity my beauties.
Until next time thanks for reading!
*DAB: Down Ass Bitch
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