At what point do we stop those activities that we know we shouldn't be doing in the first place and stop interacting with those people who we know will leave us empty? The older you get the better you should be because you're maturing and realizing the consequences of your actions. There should be an automatic switch that goes off in your head that stops you from desiring Quantity over Quality. You can hop around to every happy hour, private party and tryst that falls into your lap but make sure you're participating for the right reason. I'm not saying don't get your party on and live life but when do you revise your list of priorities?
I think I just had an epiphany about Quality and not Quantity. Of course you know I'm mostly talking about men but I mean friends too. I've had numerous invites to parties, dinners, and drinks and I just reply "Oh thank you, I'm so flattered but I'm in another place right now" or "Thanks, I'll catch the next one". Now if I was 20 something maybe I'd be down for it all, but the more I spend time with those who appreciate my quality I want to be farther away from those who have no good intentions for me or themselves. At some point you've got to be good with yourself and mean it and not let outside influences determine your peace of mind.
Just my thought...
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
Mr 'Somebody-Elses" Incredible
There's a song I love "If you'll be my Mr. Incredible I'll be your Ms. Unforgettable always, forever and ever always". Is that bullshit? The more I reflect on my life experience with romantic relationships I begin to wonder if Mr. Incredible really exists. It seems some men know exactly what we need and provide it only for as long as it takes a woman to fall for him and then the misuse ensues. Fortunately a discerning woman can catch the performance in enough time to free herself from the trap. However, there's another type of man who lurks and watches those same smart selective women and studies them waiting for an opening to ease his charm into her life. I'm talking about the man who has all his shit together, confident, somewhat successful, passionate, and oh yes did I mention he's very much MARRIED, ENGAGED, or ATTACHED.
Yes indeed ladies! You will never find another man who will listen to you, make love to you so intensely, and pay a few bills, yet be so cunningly hateful like her man. Hateful is a strong word, yes I'm aware, but what else best describes the man who can touch your soul and leave you empty at the same time? Let's take it further and ask will Mr. Incredible ever really leave his wife or girlfriend to be with you? I'm going to give you my take on why most men who are involved with another woman in a committed relationship are so eager to make you so happy as long as you buy into their dreams. A lot of people don't want to talk about infidelity or why the "side chick" remains in her place, but I think someone should take a stab at it who has multiple perspectives, and acquaintances who have dealt with, and continue to be party to, this type of lust triangle. If you notice I used the word LUST so in case you've never done a true comparison of Love versus Lust let's review.
LUST (noun): An overwhelming desire or craving. Intense eagerness or enthusiasm.
Scarlet's Sidebar: The feeling of dependency that occurs while anticipating the intermittent intense sexual experiences a.k.a. the time he's making her happy and your ass waits for him.
LOVE (noun): A strong feeling of affection and concern for another person. Devotion or adoration.
Scarlet's Sidebar: A feeling of void when apart from someone significant in regions of your body other than your groin. Also, what he has for her that keeps him there, hence DEVOTION!
I don't think I have to go any further into the obvious differences between the feelings of lust and love. If you're still stuck on that and aren't sure send me an e-mail and I'll help you out further. So! The obvious question would seem to be why do women continue relationships with married men right? Well I'm not going to address that today. Today we will give Mr. Incredible all the credit and shine light on his strategy of keeping a woman of free will caught up in his shitty triangle. Let's give him credit for his most common attributes, see below:
CHARISMATIC: Oh yesss he's well spoken and can charm you to your knees, literally.
This is where the cunningness gets disguised into him being mysterious, which you find sooo attractive until later.
GENEROUS: He's kind and quick to offer his assistance in your time of need.
There's something to the old adage "pay to play". Besides you need something to hold onto between visits.
FAMILY ORIENTED: He's big on his family and this is admirable.
And don't you ever think you will cause any drama to his household. You may learn this physically the hard way should you step outside your box.
PASSIONATE: He loves your body and makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
He needs to give you great unmatched sexual experiences so that when you ask for more of him you're hesitant to see others for fear another cannot recreate those sensations.
Mr. Incredible offers a woman a relationship where she is in constant anticipation of his presence. As a result she becomes addicted to that sensation of her longing being met by guaranteed satisfaction. Over time she would rather wait for his guaranteed performance than the unknown exchange with a single man. Mr. Incredible is able to maintain these types of relationships with us because while he gives women the attention we seek, he also uses us to play out his fantasy on some level. You are merely a player in his fantasy and most likely remind him of a love once lost or some symbol of freedom that will never be found. As long as you keep the fantasy running he'll keep you around.
The need for a woman to feel desirable and content is matched through his need for loyalty and ability to provide attention and romance. This blend of human cravings create a funky environment for the full blown affair to blossom. Sounds crazy to the single guys right now but here's my explanation. I have found men to have more insecurities than women. However, a married man is no longer concerned about a single woman judging him for these flaws because that's his wife's job! I know its not fair but unlike most single men he approaches women with a certain air about him that exudes authority. It's not because he's overly confident or is really into you, it's because he doesn't care if you reject him because there are many other women who will buy into his bullshit. The single man is going to approach with caution and courtesy and there are some women who really can't recognize a good man's genuineness and shame on them!
In my opinion, an attached man is comfortable when a new woman is unaware of their shortcomings. Remember he is where he is as a result of another woman's support and longsuffering thus far so don't kid yourself. You are a breath of fresh air to him because you don't require a lot and are always happy to see him. He has no shared responsibilities with you and this makes you an accent to his relationship. Actually your presence makes his marriage more tolerable for him, but sadly some women don't understand that and still wonder why men stay with their wives though they're so great and give them everything they require to be happy. I could run down a list of why he should leave for all those long-term psychologically damaging reasons, but I think its more fun to hear some reasons men give explaining why they can't leave their fantastic Significants.
WHY DOESN'T HE LEAVE HER? (Count how many you've heard):
Physically she can not have sex. She doesn't have sex with me in fear of pregnancy.
She thinks I'm cheating so she withholds sex. I'm not happy but it's my fault she's a bitch.
We're just roommates. She has no one else.
We don't sleep in the same bed. I live in the basement.
I only stay so I don't disappoint my parents. I pay the mortgage so I'm not leaving.
I don't want to pay alimony. I'll lose half of my pension.
I don't want my kids to grow up without a father.
**Note: These are the dreams you are expected to buy into. The list goes on and on.**
No matter the explanation given everyone has their messed up reasoning for being involved in a triangle. Just do me a favor and own up to the role you play in the situation. Don't blame your spouse, kids, or family for your self made dramatization. Either walk around with shit on your shoe and keep telling yourself its just smashed banana, or throw those shoes in the damn dumpster. The room for blame is endless but regardless of where we decide to place the blame it doesn't make it better for any involved parties to accept and exist. Sooooo know your role! Who are you?
The Cheater: Why are you cheating? Take some time and self reflect. If you're unhappy only you know why so take steps to improve your situation. Most likely you feel some sense of unfulfilled goals but this doesn't give you a pass to make your partner suffer as a result of your mess. Get your life together.
The Cheatee: What is it about you that makes someone cheat on you? Are you excessively needy and bring a person to the brink of insanity where they need someone else to relieve them? Grow up already and improve yourself by either removing yourself from the situation or seek some damn help. Don't hate the player, hate the game!
The Relief: Why are you allowing yourself to be used as a relationship aide for grown people? Snap out of it already! Leave him and all his drama to her because ultimately she's the only one whose opinion matters in his head. You are worthy of your own healthy relationship.
The involved man who cheats on his woman has deep self issues that your vagina cannot fix. Don't take on his problems because his future and his well being do not concern you. NO THEY DO NOT! Someone else has that job and her position trumps anything you ever thought you could offer. Can you develop true emotions for this man though he belongs to someone else? Absolutely because the emotion is yours and he feeds into it making it actually surreal. He may even actually have some glimmer of love for you but it's only as good as your tolerance for his ego. Did you also know he was a magician and can make you feel bad for wanting the unnaturally natural relationship growth you deserve? And please don't get it twisted and fuck up the fantasy with talks of reality!
REALITY = Unexpected Pregnancy, Disease, Demands for more time, Requests for public appearances, Dates, Full time relationship, Money, Other men/women, etc...
A man who has the ability to brainwash you into accepting an alternate reality where his going home daily to another woman to share life, love, finances, time, and family is a normal functioning relationship is what makes him Mr. Incredible. Will Mr. Incredible ever leave his home to be with you? He prays everyday that you don't ask...trust me.
Thanks for reading....
Leela James featuring Raheem Devaughn, Mr Incredible/Ms Unforgettable:
youtube.com/watch?v=9zrASviP7rQ
Yes indeed ladies! You will never find another man who will listen to you, make love to you so intensely, and pay a few bills, yet be so cunningly hateful like her man. Hateful is a strong word, yes I'm aware, but what else best describes the man who can touch your soul and leave you empty at the same time? Let's take it further and ask will Mr. Incredible ever really leave his wife or girlfriend to be with you? I'm going to give you my take on why most men who are involved with another woman in a committed relationship are so eager to make you so happy as long as you buy into their dreams. A lot of people don't want to talk about infidelity or why the "side chick" remains in her place, but I think someone should take a stab at it who has multiple perspectives, and acquaintances who have dealt with, and continue to be party to, this type of lust triangle. If you notice I used the word LUST so in case you've never done a true comparison of Love versus Lust let's review.
LUST (noun): An overwhelming desire or craving. Intense eagerness or enthusiasm.
Scarlet's Sidebar: The feeling of dependency that occurs while anticipating the intermittent intense sexual experiences a.k.a. the time he's making her happy and your ass waits for him.
LOVE (noun): A strong feeling of affection and concern for another person. Devotion or adoration.
Scarlet's Sidebar: A feeling of void when apart from someone significant in regions of your body other than your groin. Also, what he has for her that keeps him there, hence DEVOTION!
I don't think I have to go any further into the obvious differences between the feelings of lust and love. If you're still stuck on that and aren't sure send me an e-mail and I'll help you out further. So! The obvious question would seem to be why do women continue relationships with married men right? Well I'm not going to address that today. Today we will give Mr. Incredible all the credit and shine light on his strategy of keeping a woman of free will caught up in his shitty triangle. Let's give him credit for his most common attributes, see below:
CHARISMATIC: Oh yesss he's well spoken and can charm you to your knees, literally.
This is where the cunningness gets disguised into him being mysterious, which you find sooo attractive until later.
GENEROUS: He's kind and quick to offer his assistance in your time of need.
There's something to the old adage "pay to play". Besides you need something to hold onto between visits.
FAMILY ORIENTED: He's big on his family and this is admirable.
And don't you ever think you will cause any drama to his household. You may learn this physically the hard way should you step outside your box.
PASSIONATE: He loves your body and makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
He needs to give you great unmatched sexual experiences so that when you ask for more of him you're hesitant to see others for fear another cannot recreate those sensations.
Mr. Incredible offers a woman a relationship where she is in constant anticipation of his presence. As a result she becomes addicted to that sensation of her longing being met by guaranteed satisfaction. Over time she would rather wait for his guaranteed performance than the unknown exchange with a single man. Mr. Incredible is able to maintain these types of relationships with us because while he gives women the attention we seek, he also uses us to play out his fantasy on some level. You are merely a player in his fantasy and most likely remind him of a love once lost or some symbol of freedom that will never be found. As long as you keep the fantasy running he'll keep you around.
The need for a woman to feel desirable and content is matched through his need for loyalty and ability to provide attention and romance. This blend of human cravings create a funky environment for the full blown affair to blossom. Sounds crazy to the single guys right now but here's my explanation. I have found men to have more insecurities than women. However, a married man is no longer concerned about a single woman judging him for these flaws because that's his wife's job! I know its not fair but unlike most single men he approaches women with a certain air about him that exudes authority. It's not because he's overly confident or is really into you, it's because he doesn't care if you reject him because there are many other women who will buy into his bullshit. The single man is going to approach with caution and courtesy and there are some women who really can't recognize a good man's genuineness and shame on them!
In my opinion, an attached man is comfortable when a new woman is unaware of their shortcomings. Remember he is where he is as a result of another woman's support and longsuffering thus far so don't kid yourself. You are a breath of fresh air to him because you don't require a lot and are always happy to see him. He has no shared responsibilities with you and this makes you an accent to his relationship. Actually your presence makes his marriage more tolerable for him, but sadly some women don't understand that and still wonder why men stay with their wives though they're so great and give them everything they require to be happy. I could run down a list of why he should leave for all those long-term psychologically damaging reasons, but I think its more fun to hear some reasons men give explaining why they can't leave their fantastic Significants.
WHY DOESN'T HE LEAVE HER? (Count how many you've heard):
Physically she can not have sex. She doesn't have sex with me in fear of pregnancy.
She thinks I'm cheating so she withholds sex. I'm not happy but it's my fault she's a bitch.
We're just roommates. She has no one else.
We don't sleep in the same bed. I live in the basement.
I only stay so I don't disappoint my parents. I pay the mortgage so I'm not leaving.
I don't want to pay alimony. I'll lose half of my pension.
I don't want my kids to grow up without a father.
**Note: These are the dreams you are expected to buy into. The list goes on and on.**
No matter the explanation given everyone has their messed up reasoning for being involved in a triangle. Just do me a favor and own up to the role you play in the situation. Don't blame your spouse, kids, or family for your self made dramatization. Either walk around with shit on your shoe and keep telling yourself its just smashed banana, or throw those shoes in the damn dumpster. The room for blame is endless but regardless of where we decide to place the blame it doesn't make it better for any involved parties to accept and exist. Sooooo know your role! Who are you?
The Cheater: Why are you cheating? Take some time and self reflect. If you're unhappy only you know why so take steps to improve your situation. Most likely you feel some sense of unfulfilled goals but this doesn't give you a pass to make your partner suffer as a result of your mess. Get your life together.
The Cheatee: What is it about you that makes someone cheat on you? Are you excessively needy and bring a person to the brink of insanity where they need someone else to relieve them? Grow up already and improve yourself by either removing yourself from the situation or seek some damn help. Don't hate the player, hate the game!
The Relief: Why are you allowing yourself to be used as a relationship aide for grown people? Snap out of it already! Leave him and all his drama to her because ultimately she's the only one whose opinion matters in his head. You are worthy of your own healthy relationship.
The involved man who cheats on his woman has deep self issues that your vagina cannot fix. Don't take on his problems because his future and his well being do not concern you. NO THEY DO NOT! Someone else has that job and her position trumps anything you ever thought you could offer. Can you develop true emotions for this man though he belongs to someone else? Absolutely because the emotion is yours and he feeds into it making it actually surreal. He may even actually have some glimmer of love for you but it's only as good as your tolerance for his ego. Did you also know he was a magician and can make you feel bad for wanting the unnaturally natural relationship growth you deserve? And please don't get it twisted and fuck up the fantasy with talks of reality!
REALITY = Unexpected Pregnancy, Disease, Demands for more time, Requests for public appearances, Dates, Full time relationship, Money, Other men/women, etc...
A man who has the ability to brainwash you into accepting an alternate reality where his going home daily to another woman to share life, love, finances, time, and family is a normal functioning relationship is what makes him Mr. Incredible. Will Mr. Incredible ever leave his home to be with you? He prays everyday that you don't ask...trust me.
Thanks for reading....
Leela James featuring Raheem Devaughn, Mr Incredible/Ms Unforgettable:
youtube.com/watch?v=9zrASviP7rQ
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)